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Life on the Plantation
General Life on the Plantation is a documentary of an abusive Chinese plantation owner who really wants his farmers to work. One farmer, Ooga Booga is very sassy and does not work well so the plantation owner, Massa, is always angry and seems to like whipping his farmers more than he likes actually tending to his fields. Characters * Main ** Massa ** Ooga Booga * Supporting ** Slave Dealer / Gay Cowboy ** Army Man ** Cracker-Ass Honkey, Massa's friend Historical Lore Main Article: Historical Lore Description of each Episode Episode One: Throughout this episode, a bass boosted version of Farmer in the Dell is playing. At the bottom of the first scene there is a black bar displaying the phrase "ooga booga." Above the box, the plantation owner opens a door and yells "Kevin it's OH YOU SON OF A BITCH!" after noticing his slave is not working. He proceeds to whip him with a belt until the slave announces "My name's not even Kevin, it's Ooga Booga Desu". The master does not care and proceeds to whip his sassy worker who is now sitting in a chair for not getting to the rice fields fast enough in the morning. Ooga Booga questions if black people were even used to farm rice but Massa argues and tells him to harvest some molasses. He then says his catchphrase, "Now get yo ass to the rice fields stop eating shit!" Ooga Booga asks Massa to whip him harder and to slap him until he "looks like a nigger". Episode Two: Massa is eating a weenie but notices a bite missing. He runs to Ooga Booga and then Ooga Booga swears in German. Ooga Booga swears "I didn't do it" in a German accent. Massa yells at Ooga Booga for speaking in a German accent. Ooga explains he wants to adopt his culture but Massa yells "Dammit this is the USA not Germany!" and then he whips him and says "Back in the oven you go!" He then picks up Ooga Booga and drags him into a kitchen. While dragging him, Ooga keeps yelling "Nein!". After realizing that he cannot fit in the oven, Ooga Booga puts his safari hat into the oven but does not turn the heat on because that's how fires start. Massa asks Ooga Booga if he ate his weenie to which Ooga says "I will if you want me" in a sexual voice. Massa drags Ooga Booga to the bedroom to get gay. Episode Three: The video is accompanied by a Cantonese dub of Dschinghis Khan - Dschinghis Khan (1979). This was not added in in post, while the video was being recorded, my friend was playing it with his iPad. Massa's belt falls on top of him and then he explains "Massa got his whip now!" he then aggressively whips Ooga Booga and excitedly yells "To the ricefields! To the ricefields! My boy!" and whips him while pushing him into the kitchen. There are other workers in the kitchen gathered around a phone. Massa yells "Now work with your nibbas!" Ooga grabs a piece of bread and shrugs. Massa runs in and yells "I SAID FUCKING WORK!" Ooga Booga follows Massa going on about plantations and gulags in a European accent. Massa pushes him out of a doorway and yells "GET THE FUCK BACK!" and whips him a bit. Ooga Booga walks down the hallway confused and then walks back into Massa's room. Massa yells "I'mma shank me a nibba!" and then he grabs Ooga Booga and takes him to the ground and then hits him with a screwdriver. Massa explains he stabbed him because he wants Ooga to go to the rice fields. Ooga Booga takes a while to get up because his nut hurts but Massa hits him with a guitar. Episode Four: The video starts with a slow pan of Massa's sunglasses and a magazine he's reading, displaying the Russian President at that time, Vladimir Putin. Ooga Booga crawls up to Massa, and attempts to appease Massa by recognizing Putin as "the Fuhrer." Massa whips Ooga Booga for his misrecognition of Vladimir Putin, and Ooga Booga yells out national socialist drivel before the video ends. Episode Five: This video is the one that truly started big changes. It starts with Massa on the phone with a hitman, discussing how Ooga Booga must be caught for running away. The video then goes back to when Ooga Booga is still on the plantation. Ooga Booga finds that Massa isn't looking while he's harvesting "rice" for the Cartel, so he runs away, unseen. Thirsty and looking for means of survival, Ooga Booga stumbles upon the same Putin magazine from before on the side of his path, but is saddened by his lack of knowledge of how to read. He then continues on to a cave, blocking his path, but hears voices inside. Thinking the voices are coming from one of his long lost brethren, he ventures closer but upon noticing a "cracker ass honky" he runs away only to run into the hitman, Minecraft Man. Minecraft Man begins to engage in combat, but is escaped by Ooga Booga and Cave Man. However, Minecraft Man uses his teleporting ability, seen before in his standalone video, to catch up with them. Consumed with the need for 50 Imperial Mexican pesos, Minecraft man, Cave Man, and Ooga Booga fight in a battle that can only be described as "wtf is this lmao" by studio audiences. Cave Man is eventually surrounded by Minecraft Man and Ooga Booga, and dies shortly after saying "I never liked blacks." Minecraft Man dies as well by Ooga Booga's hand. Ooga Booga then receives fire from Massa's New Chinese rifle, and is fought by Massa, who discards the rifle for a stick. Ooga Booga is easily defeated by Massa's god-like powers of making Ooga Booga bleed profusely, but this leaves the problem of Ooga Booga being dead, with Massa one slave down. Episode Six: With Massa's favorite slave gone, he looks in a nearby marketplace for a slave trader. Oddly enough, he stumbles upon a poor ex-member of the United States Army, which was all but eliminated from that area when the Chinese invaded and established New China. The old Army man wants to sell Massa some maps to help him afford his alcohol problem, but Massa knows it's a scam and a ripoff for a simple map of just one continent. Massa turns the corner to meet a slave trader, who sells a new slave by the name of Eric to Massa for a few pieces of meat. Eric is soon renamed to "Booga Ooga" due to his resemblance to Ooga Booga, and due to Massa's slight insanity. The Army man overhears this deal and brandishes his stolen New Chinese automatic rifle to confront the slave trader, as slavery is illegal in the United States at this point, but it's legal in New China. To the Army Man's surprise, the slave trader has a Colt M1911, and they have a duel, ending in the slave trader sleeping with a lead blanket. Episode Seven: Massa and Booga Ooga narrowly escape when they hear gunshots from the Army Man, and Massa introduces Booga Ooga to the plantation. Booga Ooga is confused and then meets Gay Cowboy, who once became a slave for Massa but got so gay Massa couldn't see him anymore. Gay Cowboy explains how he stays alive by stealing food, as well as the position Valt Dizney left him in. Massa catches Booga talking to the invisible Gay Cowboy, and whips him. At the end of the episode, Army Man tracks Massa down and fires at Massa and Booga. It is not revealed who has been shot. Weapons used in Life on the Plantation * Firearms: ** Massa's Model 43R ** US Pistol, Caliber .45 ACP, M1911 ** T-63 Carbine ** Resistancia pistol * Sticks * Harvested plants * Copyrighted Minecraft Sword * Massa's Belt-Whip * a magnifying glass * harsh language * Massa's attitude Ooga Booga's incompetence Errors/Inaccuracies * In Life on the Plantation 2, Massa says "This is the USA, not Germany" to Ooga Booga, when they are in New China. This could've been caused by Massa confusing the Communist States of New China with the United States of America. * In Life on the Plantation 6, Massa says that the meat he gave the Slave Dealer costed 50 pesos. However the peso is used as a currency in Mexico, not New China, where newcons are used instead.